Today I felt inadequate, and I think it’s due to my independence. Actually, God is showing me that’s what the issue is. I’m independent. Always have been. My mom raised my sister and I by herself, my grandmother raised my mother and her siblings by herself (and though my great grandmother was once married, I heard she too ended up being an independent woman who raised children on her own). So independence was instilled in me from my youth.
However, I learned this weekend while attending the #WeWin Women’s Conference that though we can RELY on humans, we DEPEND on GOD. All this time I have been depending on myself and relying on God. Take note of the difference…
I’ve been depending on (or being controlled by) my wit, talent, beauty, education, articulation, charm, career and titles; and relying on (or being confident of) God’s use of what I can give to make something happen…this is SO WRONG! Essentially I’ve been saying, “God here’s what I’m working with, let me know what you can do with it, and if you need some help I can tell you exactly how to make it work.”
This weekend in a room full of beautiful, educated, talented, successful women I actually felt small – a first for me. Ask any of my friends and family; I am first very confident, secondly I am a major advocate for celebrating women. I’m that person that compliments and praises other women so much that people may or may not question my sexuality. I love God’s daughters! So I’m more of a celebrate than hate kind of girl.
I felt as if all the attributes I had been working with couldn’t compare to half the women I watched and listened to. I gleaned from them and even got some much needed deliverance and spiritual healing! But in envy I thought, “I could never do that. I don’t have the education, title, success, influence, articulation, money, or connection that these women have.”
Well God so kindly reminded me that the connection they had was Him! I had all I needed to make a difference for His kingdom just like they did, but because of my independent spirit, I had the formula written out all wrong!
My Formula: Depend on Self (my talent, beauty, education, social connections) + Rely on God = My destiny, heart’s desires, and success
GOD’s Formula: Depend on God + Rely on the attributes He’s blessed me with = My Destiny, heart’s desires, and things so great my finite brain can’t even think to ask for them
My pastor once said that people who operate without the anointing stick out like sore thumbs to people who really know God. He would rather listen to a person who can barely hold a note sing with the anointing than listen to a powerful vocalist sing without it. How many of us have the anointing, and yet choose to operate without it sometimes?
I have foolishly prayed, fasted, and sat at my Father’s feet, day in and day out allowing his anointing to be deposited in me, but I banked it like some emergency savings fund. However, I’ve been spending my human attributes like they are a Visa black card, forgetting that these kind of funds eventually deplete, but the anointing is a well that never runs dry.
Sister, are you depending on your own strength while relying on God? Or are you depending on the God who gave you that strength? I had it all wrong up until this weekend. Thank God He let feelings of insecurity and inadequacy overtake me, or I would have never realized just how foolish I have been to depend on me.
I am exactly who God wants me to be, just like you are exactly who God made you to be, but we must be dependent upon Him to truly be ourselves. I’ll leave you with this excerpt from You’re Already Amazing LifeGrowth Guide by Holley Gerth.
“Discovering who God made us to be is a lifelong process, and every step of the way we’ll be tempted to be like someone else. Why? Because the enemy of our souls wants us to be like anyone but Jesus. We are closest to and most like Jesus when we are fully being who he created us to be.
You will not thrive, fulfill your God-given purpose, or offer what only you can if you don’t know who you are. And I’m confident you can do this. You’re a warrior and overcomer. You have more strength than it may seem like right now. And you serve a God bigger than you can see.”
Be You Sister, but be a You that COMPLETELY depends on HIM.
P.S. Christ paid a huge price for your life…appreciate it.